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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23348050">Home is where them deathclaws ain't.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/espiritus/pseuds/espiritus'>espiritus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Best Friends, Friendship, Fun With Words, Gen, Kinda long but oh well, Leaving Home, Rivalry, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:26:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23348050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/espiritus/pseuds/espiritus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Von prepares to leave Sanctuary post-canon. But her friends have other plans.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cait &amp; Female Sole Survivor, Deacon &amp; Female Sole Survivor, Robert Joseph MacCready &amp; Female Sole Survivor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Home is where them deathclaws ain't.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yes, I threw in a New Vegas reference (Von was my Independent character, natch).</p><p><i>Sehnsucht</i>: (n) an intense yearning for something far off and undefinable.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's early in the morning and, as usual, Von is awake before the sun comes up. She rarely sleeps these days, as though the little taste of death is more than she deserves, but it all comes down to this place.</p><p>Sanctuary. </p><p>It's Nate's, not hers- it never was, and maybe that's why she's got her heart set on leaving. There's no place left for her in the old world, though she can't face the others: Cait, Deacon, MacCready... If she were to tell them what she plans on doing, or why, they'd try to change her mind. But she's already made her decision, and she doesn't want to be talked out of it this time- better to let them down easy, and get out of here before they even realize she's gone.</p><p>Slowly, she gathers the few things she can still say are hers- her sniper rifle, her engagement ring, and the clothes on her back- as well as enough ammo, food, and water for the journey ahead. She doesn't know where she'll end up, and there's something addictive about that kind of freedom. For the first time since she was a bright-eyed college student, her life is her own, with no parents or authority figures telling her what to do or where to go. No more fake smiles or playing the part of <i>perfect army wife</i>; no gods, no masters, no laws. She answers only to herself.</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>The sun rises over Sanctuary Hills, and the settlers are just starting their daily chores by the time MacCready rolls out of bed. He knows he should probably join them, though he spent last night huffing Jet with Deacon and Cait, and is not feeling very productive this morning.</p><p>He heads over to the mutfruit trees and helps Piper take inventory before they set about harvesting the new crop. Most of the mutfruit that grows in the Wasteland is either overripe or too squishy, but these are perfect- they'll be great in those pies Von makes, the ones that turn your lips and teeth purple, make it look like you lost a fight with a rabid yao guai. And that's when he realizes that she's not among the throngs of settlers now toiling away in the sun. He doesn't see Deacon or Cait either- it's not unusual for Von to take off on her own, but that the others are also missing is a bit strange. </p><p>Once they're done, he thanks Piper for her help and heads to the root cellar. Even if Von herself isn't there, Cait or Deacon probably will be, and one of them has to know where she is.</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>The root cellar is cool and dark, compared to the surface. It's quiet and perfect for reading, exactly what its current occupant had in mind.</p><p>Deacon flips through his tattered copy of <i>War and Peace</i>- the one that Whisper <i>liberated</i> from the library a few months back. He knows he should be helping the others, but they won't stop talking- Cait's loud, Danse is human trash, and Preston keeps asking people to do menial shit that he really ought to do himself... The only one who would understand why he's here, rather than up there, is Whisper. She doesn't like people either, nor does she abide idle chatter for its own sake; she keeps to herself and maintains a respectful distance. And, if he weren't such a damn coward, he would ask her to join him. </p><p>Suddenly, there's a loud clatter from above. He hopes it's Whisper, but it isn't- it's MacCready, who looks surprisingly alert, given how much Jet they all did last night. And his next words are the million-dollar question.</p><p>"Where is she?"</p><p>Deacon shrugs. He doesn't want to talk about Whisper with MacCready. It's painfully obvious that they both have feelings for her, though Mac seems to think he's staked some kind of claim to her. But Deacon knows better; Whisper is a free spirit, and she won't be controlled by anyone.</p><p>"Hell if I know," he replies, not glancing up from his book. "All I know is she's not with me. But, if she hasn't told any of us where she's run off to, it's probably because she doesn't want to be found."</p><p>He's always had something of a sixth sense, where Whisper is concerned, probably because they're so alike in nearly every conceivable way. If he takes off alone, it's because he wants to <i>be</i> alone, and he wouldn't be surprised if she's similarly inclined. But he knows that Mac won't hear it; they're too suspicious of each other.</p><p>"As if I'm buying that," Mac says, trying his best to sound brave. "Especially from you. But if I find out that you're lying to me, I swear I'll-"</p><p>"Let it go, MacCready," Deacon cuts in, neatly and deliberately, as he looks up from his book at last."Leave her alone. Everyone's got a right to their privacy, and she'll come home when she wants to. If I see her, I'll let you know."</p><p>He doesn't mean a word of it, of course. But MacCready doesn't need to know as much, and the words seem to bridge the schism between them for the time being.</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>With a grunt and a shove, MacCready clambers out of the root cellar. He knows Deacon's hiding something- he has to be, but extracting information from the man is like pulling a deathclaw's teeth: a seemingly impossible task. Hopefully whatever Cait has to contribute will prove useful. </p><p>He knocks on the cabin door, but then feels a tap on his shoulder- Cait is standing behind him, one hand on her hip and the other firmly gripping a bottle of something murky and brown. "'Ey there, sleepy'ead," she croons, in her delightful Irish lilt- is she drunk already? "If yer lookin' fer the boss, she's not 'ere. But this was on 'er bed when I woke up. See if ye can' make sense o'whatever it says."</p><p>She reaches into her pack and pulls out a slip of paper. On it is written a single word, one that he's never seen before and can't figure out how to pronounce. This sort of thing is probably right up Deacon's alley, since he's into books and weird shit. And, as much as Mac doesn't want to look at him, he knows it's their best chance of figuring out what this means. </p><p>Without asking, he grabs Cait's arm and drags her back toward the root cellar. She snorts in protest, but lets him lead as they head to their secret underground fortress- their own vault, in a sense.</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>There's a crash and some muffled cursing as Deacon looks up to see both MacCready and Cait drop down from the surface. One of them was bad enough, but that they're here together is unusual; they hate each other, and their mutual respect for Whisper is what keeps them from tearing each other's heads off. Maybe their cooperation means they've found something. </p><p>Cait stands up first, then offers her hand to Mac, who declines out of pride. "Look at this," she insists, thrusting a rumpled piece of paper under Deacon's nose. "This was on Von's bed when I woke up, an' I've no idea what it means. Can ye make any sense o'that?"</p><p>Deacon sets down his book and takes the paper from her, staring at it through the sunglasses he never takes off. "Weird," he observes, never once making eye contact with either of them. "It's... obviously in a foreign language, and not one I recognize, but I can find out, if you'll let me."</p><p>He moves to the terminal in the corner- Whisper had fixed it up a few months prior and brought it down here, so that the four of them could share thoughts and musings in secret, away from the prying eyes of the others- and makes Cait spell the word out for him three times as he searches every database that will allow him access. Finally, after a few minutes of frustration and cursing, pacing, and clinking of glass bottles against the bunker walls, he finds what he's looking for.</p><p>"Sehnsucht," he says, the word sounding much clunkier on his tongue than it would have on Whisper's. "German noun, meaning <i>an intense longing for something far-off and undefinable</i>." </p><p>He stops for a moment, watching the others' faces as it dawns on him what this means. "She's leaving," he forces himself to say, though the words taste bitter and don't sound quite right. "Well, this place, and us, by extension. We need to find her, but... She really didn't leave us much to go on."</p><p>Mac presses his lips into a firm line. "I'm in," he says, as Cait nods her assent. "I know you said she didn't want to be found, but the wasteland is no place for someone travelling alone. It's dangerous, and she'll need backup. She needs <i>us.</i>." He gazes meaningfully at Deacon. "All of us."</p><p>Much to his surprise, Deacon nods in response. "Fine," he says. "Go pack your shit and take the day to tie up any loose ends. We'll meet back here at midnight. Anyone asks where you're going, tell them you're hunting mirelurks. But don't mention Whisper, or tell them she's leaving. She kept it from them, and us, for a reason."</p><p>The others nod, and the three of them part company for the time being. Now that they're all in agreement, it's time to put their plan into practice.</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>It's late at night when Von finally returns to the root cellar. She hadn't planned on coming here, though she wanted to see it one last time... and leave a final note for her dearest friends, of course. So she opens a new document on their shared terminal and starts typing.</p><p>
  <i>I love you all dearly, and will miss you more than words can ever express. We've laughed and cried together, shared many moments of love and laughter, and I am so grateful to have met and connected with each of you.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>To Cait, the sister I never had: I am so proud of you, and everything you've achieved. You'll always be family to me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>MacCready- RJ: we've been through so much together, and I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you. I have long been in awe of your resilience- promise me you'll take care of the others, because they will need you and your quiet strength in the days to come.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>And lastly, to Deacon, my lantern in the darkness: you have so much to offer the world. Don't be afraid to shine your light for all to see, that it might illuminate the long road ahead.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I love you all, and I always will; I suspect I always have.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Yours,</i></p><p>
  <i>Olivia</i>
</p><p>A tear sneaks into the corner of her eye, pricking the lid like a bunch of little teeth. She never expected that she's miss them already- not this much, anyway. But it's for the best. She doesn't belong in their world any more than they belong in hers and, the sooner she accepts it, the easier it will be for all of them.</p><p>Suddenly, there's a clicking noise as the door to the root cellar opens. Cait, Deacon, and MacCready are all standing there, holding their packs, with Dogmeat on a leash. Neither of them says a word, but it's Mac who speaks first.</p><p>"We're coming with you. All of us."</p><p>He moves forward, tightening his grip on Dogmeat's leash, as Cait and Deacon follow suit. But Von knows that she must remain steadfast in her resolve, for all of their sakes.</p><p>"Damn it, MacCready. You can't just- never mind. I'm leaving. Alone."</p><p>But her voice wavers slightly on the last word, and it's Deacon who steps in to smooth things over. This wasn't part of Whisper's plan, and she's starting to panic, much as he does when things deviate from his carefully-scripted version of events. She likes routine and order, and this- an unexpected hijacking of her solo adventure- is the exact opposite. But he knows he can't just let her leave. None of them can, or they'll regret it forever. </p><p>"I know this isn't what you were expecting. But you're our friend, and I- we aren't going anywhere. Not without you." </p><p>He looks like a sad puppy, as though the thought of her leaving is the most devastating thing in the world. And that's when she realizes that, for him and the others, it is. And so she relents, letting him lead her back to the surface as the four of them and Dogmeat leave Sanctuary Hills behind... together.</p>
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